True Contentment

Content with what I have!

It is such a powerful statement. Can I claim true contentment in my current circumstances?

I desire to say yes wholeheartedly, but something is holding me back. I can't quite define it. I know as I search deeper into true contentment. The contentment that Christ gives when we lay all our dreams and desires at His feet and honestly say to him "God you are more than enough for me". I know then I will find complete contentment in everything.

So to begin this journey, I first need to determine what it is that I am holding on to. What dreams and desires, even though they may be good, am I clinging onto tighter than my desire for a personal and fulfilling relationship with my Lord and Saviour. A relationship that says "I will abandon my desire for anything other than my love for You. For your grace and mercy. For your gift of salvation."

I sit here waiting impatietly for our baby girl to arrive, not long now as as she is due this month and I can't help but wonder how I am going to cope with two little babies to look after. I know I need to find contentment it in, knowing that I am meant to be a mother and that this is the current season of my life. However it is so easy at times to look at my friends carefree lives (the ones without children), who don't have to think about a little persons needs and how I am going to meet them. I love staying at home with Theodore and can't wait for our princess to add to the bundle, however I do have to stop myself at times from thinking the negative things.

Life, finanically would be so much easier if I was still working, we wouldn't be scraping the bottom of the barrel each month to make ends meet, and some months not even manage that. I would still be dreaming of holidays that I could plan or the house we would be saving for. Even the luxury of eating out doesn't really happen for us at the moment. I am not complaining. I love my husband and know that the career he is pursuing is the right one for him and us as a family. I love my Theodore and the joy that being at home with him, being able to nuture him, spiritually, physically and emotionally. I don't overly miss the working world. I do love being able to get up of a morning and plan what we will do for the day.

I just wish I could have it all.

I am well aware that this is a complete contradiction from being content with what I have. Obviously I am not there yet but I am working on it daily. It's moments like this that I stop and look around to find the things I can be thankful for. Surprisingly there are quite a lot of things I can be thankful for when I really stop and think about it.